Nostalgia

My copy of the Summer 2010 Spin-off arrived this afternoon.

It's a good issue. I luxuriated on my couch, reading it cover to cover. And I finished the last page with a distinct pang of loss. I don't know if I can sum it up in a way that could make sense to you readers who likely don't know me all that well. But I'll try.

You see, there was a time when I was passionately involved with the spinning/fiber community, especially online. I was learning so much, I wanted to share it all. Write books and articles. Teach classes. Get people as jazzed about making string as I was. I would sit down and talk to anyone about it. And I even managed to keep their attention sometimes because, by god, this string stuff was really important to human history in a way that isn't generally understood now. (Which reminds me, I have to write a post about Elizabeth Barber's books on the history of textiles and women's work. I don't see them mentioned a whole lot, but they really should be part of every spinner/knitter/weaver's library.)

Anyway, I wanted to do big things. Not because I wanted to be famous. (Although "famous" is a kind of strange word to use in our little world of spinning wheels and sheep anyway.) But I just wanted to stir folks up, get a little corner of the world running on creative juices, and just celebrate the transformation from fluff to yarn to finished object, as has been done by humans for millenia. Spin-off was at the heart of this passion. I worked my craft mainly alone, but this magazine inspired me to keep going because, hell, tens of thousands of people read those pages. And I could be a part of it.

But here I am, ten years later, and... well, I fear those times have passed far away. Too much has happened in my life. The earnest, eager ambitions I once had have been shadowed by loss. I don't know if it's possible to capture that optimism again. I read the Spin-off this afternoon, and felt those familiar stirrings of, "Oh man. That is so cool! I have to try it!" Yet those bright sparks faded before I could get up and grab a spindle. I felt the ghosts of these past years brush against my heart yet again.

It's bittersweet nostalgia, to look through the pages of Spin-off at the world I once knew. But I'm glad it's out there, and that there are so many new spinner and fluff lovers springing up everywhere. Working with our hands, creating beauty from nothing -- this is a Good Thing. And I haven't completely given up the dreams that kept me going. I just wish the hell I knew the way back to it all.

Comments

[cyndy]

Hoping yu find your way back, have always been interested in what you have to say...and seeing what you have created!

[Rachel K-G]

I've gotten a lot of knowledge and inspiration from you -- your work has been an important part of my development as a craftsman. I don't know if that helps, but it's true.

I hope that you heal well and the bitter side of the bittersweet wears away.

[Judy Jackson]

Elaine, I remember all the fun days of Sheep Thrills and the Prim list. There are so many of us out there that was thrilled by your discoveries and the willing way that you shared the information and discussion. Just jump back in, we will all be happy that you did.

Judy J

[Tallguy]

I've been feeling the same. I thought it was just me. I don't know how to get that excitement back again. Yes, as you say, too many things in life just demand too much of your time, and you lose that innocence of childhood. It was all so simple back then.

I know I cannot go back home again. So I'll just do the best I can where I am now.